Over the weekend, I wrote a piece imagining how the executives who canceled The Late Show with Stephen Colbert discussed the decision — and the backlash — behind closed doors.
This piece is satire. You have to say that these days. Not that I’m sure it affords much protection anymore!
Well, whatever. You can read the piece here, on Medium (where I share satire I haven’t published elsewhere). Here’s a sample:
EXECUTIVE 1: So we canceled The ate-Lay ow-Shay. So what!
EXECUTIVE 2: Sure, Stephen Colbert is “beloved.” Big deal. So’s my boat, Beloved.
EXECUTIVE 1: This was purely a financial decision! If we keep repeating that ad nauseam, the American people will have to believe us.
…
MARLA, THE INTERN: Hm…the Nielsen ratings say The Late Show averaged 2.417 million viewers, making it number 1 in its time slot!
EXECUTIVE 1: Marla, you’re 22. You don’t understand numbers.
EXECUTIVE 2: Number 1 is fiscally meaningless. The merger is how we win.
MARLA: By losing our best talent?
EXECUTIVE 1: But oh, what we acquire!
TBH, I’ve been wondering when this regime would start coming after comedians (directly or indirectly), since comedy is one of my (embarrassing) ambitions. That’s why, after Trump won the election, I casually asked ChatGPT to give me a “list of comedians who thrived under marshal law.” (It is a very short list, and “thrived” is stretching it.)
[Yes, I realize the dystopian nature of this scenario. Regular “search” is broken, on purpose. That is for another blog!]
When the cancellation was announced, the word that came to my mind was “bellwether.” Not in my entire life have I ever thought or spoken the word “bellwether,” but my mind seems to be reaching for more epic language as of late, maybe because everything is epically shitty. Anyway, firing comedians to please a president? A BAD SIGN. PERHAPS BORDERING ON OMEN. VERY BAD OMEN SIGN BELLWETHER.
Colbert, was, of course, canceled by his parent network, Paramount Global, after he criticized their $16 million settlement to Trump, which they paid after the infant president filed a phony lawsuit that claimed CBS edited an interview with Kamala Harris for the purpose of “deceptive manipulation,” and “substantial news distortion.” I.e., it made him look bad.
Yes, this manchild is still under the impression that people have to labor to make him look bad. (Note: you will never win with insecure narcissists, so you may as well keep your integrity!)
Paramount made that decision to settle with Trump because they’re seeking federal approval for their merger with SkyDance media. Money talks, and one must always protect the company! (Never mind the country!)
The settlement was an act of complicity with the administration and a tacit acceptance of Trump’s bullshit campaign. Colbert was right to treat that choice with severity and call it out on camera. And if compliance meant licking the boot, then cancelling The Late Show is strapping on the boot and mounting the horse. And once that horse gets going, just try stopping it.
(With apologies to horses. I should have chosen a less dignified animal, but then, none of our animal friends deserve the insult of this analogy.)
The cancellation emboldens more direct action from Trump, who has been celebrating it on TruthSocial and publicly salivating to get rid of Kimmel and Fallon next. (Turns out, the right LOVES to cancel people! Firings, deportation…this is their payback for asking so-called conservatives to be more polite online.)
But it also emboldens someone else: Stephen Tyrone Colbert.
Yesterday, Monday night, Colbert said this:
“How dare you, sir. “Would an untalented man be able to compose the following satirical witticism?” [Close-up camera zooms in] “Go fuck yourself.” (“Fuck” was bleeped out, but I’m pretty sure everyone got it.)
Colbert has 10 months at The Late Show until his contract runs out. I hope he goes full scorched-earth. I hope that “fuck you” was just the start.
“But Sara, he’s a late show host. That’s boomer shit!”
Well, well, well, hypothetical Gen Z pal, I’ve collected enough years on this planet to recall when Colbert hosted a show called The Colbert Report (a wild send-up of right wing Fox- pundits). Do I think he’s too old to do that sort of thing now? If last night was any indication, hell no.
This is a good man who knows righteous rage, and although he has mastered a Jimmy Stewart-esque elegant restraint, he also knows how to release the Kraken. Without the tucked-in corners of a cable network, who knows what he’ll do.
Give em hell, Colbert.
luv + solidarity,
sara
p.s. Since this is a new blog, every like, share, or comment goes a long way. plus, I love hearing from you : ).
P.P.S. If, in the wake of threats to comedians, journalists, and comedian-journalists, you’ve ever wondered about creating your own show or blog or what-have-you, this is a great time to throw your kraken in the ring.